


Should Have Worshipped Her Sooner

by missmeparadox



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Eating Disorders, F/F, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-18
Updated: 2014-12-18
Packaged: 2018-03-02 02:58:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2797121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missmeparadox/pseuds/missmeparadox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Things were simple at first, as most instances of young love are. But simple does not necessarily mean easy. </p><p>A precursor to "The Long Road Ahead".</p>
            </blockquote>





	Should Have Worshipped Her Sooner

Like so many other explosions, this begins with a spark. However, this spark didn't ignite our fuse right away. Things began with a glance in the wrong direction; Feferi watching the clock in boredom, flicking her eyes a bit too far south for the right moment to catch a glimpse of Vriska's blue (that could hardly be allowed under her mother's regime she held over the school) as she started on her second cigarette against the fence behind the gym. She kept her vigil on the girl from the safety of her faraway classroom, ignored the pattering of her heart against her ribs, and moved on.

Her frustrations she takes out on a sophomore in her geometry class, making her scream against the cold plastic of the bathroom handicapped stall and slipping her the number to the local post office with a wink as she sashays out of the room, already having washed her hands and adjusting her skirt before returning to class.

The second time is an accident, Vriska walking home on the same path that she traversed when her mother had called to say that the car broke down at the supermarket. She had invited her in, treated her to some coffee with a splash of rum, as her mother had trained her from the moment she could walk to be a gracious host, and sent her on her way.

She smothers the emotions toying with her head and buries them in the whimpers of another sophomore behind the stage in the auditorium. Jut another day in what used to feel like paradise.

She cannot love Vriska, she cannot love any of the girls who she promises the world and stars to, so why bother?

* * *

 

It had been simplest when they were sixteen, too young and too dumb to respond to the words, the hate that had been hurled their way with the intent to draw blood. Why worry about what other people though, so long as your best friend was willing to loan out their heart to you in exchange for a promise that would be impossible to keep?

Street corners and the buildings tethered to them became havens, as homes seemed too public, something meant to be permanent. They meet in the day, quietly.

Before a careless whisper could singe away the shadowed secret that had become them, they had been golden.

The first kiss lead to more, stolen merlot and tangled limbs became just another secret, just another notch carved into an ivory bedpost, giggling and awkward silences protected by the sanctuary that was nighttime.

Feferi smiled as the world marched on around them, ignoring their shallow talk of filth and snobbery, and found solace in the arms of her closest and only friend.

Vriska was more than willing to play along, to endure the beatings and the lies that she bared at home for a chance to see her princess happy.

When they first come together, it’s soft.

The night is spent in the spacious guest suite of the Pexies’ Estate, silken sheets and smooth skin soft in pale moonlight. Vriska threw herself into it, into the pleasure and the taste of her that lingered on her lips, thighs shaking while thin fingers did their work. She can play her body as if it’s an instrument, tongue and lips bringing her higher and higher with each well-placed touch.

Feferi drowned in the sensations of it all, and hugs the skinny girl to her chest after they both collapse onto the bedspread, kissing her face as she sleeps.

As these nights continued, a pattern emerged; Vriska was always gone by morning. Feferi pretends not to mind, why should she?

It’s no less than three months later when it becomes apparent that something is horribly wrong.

Feferi had never quite noticed how clearly the green-blue bruises stood out against her girlfriend’s (such a foreign word, but still not true, as this was nothing more than an arrangement, right?) skin, which seemed to be stretched tight over her muscle and bone. Vriska herself claimed that she was losing weight because of the basketball season, and that ‘no of course I’m eating three meals a day, honestly babe you sound just like Maryam’.

It hadn’t been until she stopped eating entirely that it had found its way into their centers.

Mistakes and impressions were made and remade, as they are over time, and their descent began. Clouds gave way to thick wind. Classes were passed and skipped by one, while the other turned her head. Not out of ignorance, but almost out of fear.

But then her eyes begin to open. Observations were voiced only to be met with accusations, defenses piled like stones into walls that became too high to step over all too quickly, until only the gaps in the spaces between well-crafted lies provide any means of communication.

When they promise to resolve to fix this, neither makes the first effort.

* * *

 

When they came together again, things were sour.

Vriska had showed up to a warm welcome; no parents, no siblings, and no school for a long weekend at the Estate. As soon as the door had been opened, she collapsed on the threshold.

Feferi had tried, in vain, to force a piece of toast into her, only to be met with tears and outright refusal before a slamming door. The call later in the evening shed light on the fact that there had been a wall between them for some time, seemingly unseen for so long.

Had it always been there?

The nurses worked silently into the night, no one having the heart to tell the young woman in the fuchsia overcoat that it was time to leave Vriska Serket’s room until visiting hours began in the morning. She clutched a tear-stained letter in her hand, sealed with a blue-lipped kiss. A ‘Happy Birthday’ card. Her mother texted her hours later, though the day had already passed.

Feferi Pexies turned seventeen quietly, and lost pieces of herself over and over that year.

* * *

 

Vriska Serket observed in awe at the entirety of it, at the wall, at the girl whom she loved, much more than she did her mother or sister, and wondered how things could have come to this. But she let her go that night, whether they had announced it to the other or not.

Even ask she was forgiven over and over, Feferi continued to lose pieces of herself as her everything crumbled before her very eyes. Eventually, she forgot, it seemed. Vriska and her crossed path, sure, but no words were exchanged between the two.

Sollux knew, of course, that it wasn't him that she desired to hold close to her at night, whose name she wished to scream and roll off of her lips like a prayer. But he suffers through it with her because he realized that if he didn't, she would truly be alone.

_She couldn't be in love, so why bother?_

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Betty.


End file.
